And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
