Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
