Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
