Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize