you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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