either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
