She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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