ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
