is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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