It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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