never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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