I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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