I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize