The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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