i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.