I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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