I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on