she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!