where does the pee come out of this thing
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
