i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
