You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
