Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
