why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
