In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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