Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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