Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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