peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
