I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
