she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
