Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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