Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
