I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
