Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
