Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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