we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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