Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
