Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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