i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
