I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
