worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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