U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
