i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
that is very illegal...i love you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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