i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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