The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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