I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
