Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize