someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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