i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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