One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
