could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize