Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
