Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
