so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
