At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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