I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
