y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
