Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
