All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
