My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
