Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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