i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You took a bar mat shot.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
