i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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