My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
