my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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