I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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