it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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