Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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